Coach Up or Coach Out Isn’t Leadership

Why Nurturing Strength and Coaching Through Flaws Builds Better Humans—and Better Teams

Somewhere along the way, leadership adopted a phrase that sounds efficient but feels hollow:

Coach up or coach out.

It’s often said with confidence. As if it’s bold. Decisive. Strong leadership.

But every time I hear it, something in me tightens.

Because leadership—real leadership—has never been that clean.

And people are not checklists you either fix or discard.

The Problem With “Up or Out”

“Coach up or coach out” assumes something dangerous:

That performance is a permanent state.

That if someone struggles, it’s because they can’t do the job—

not because they’re human.

But I’ve watched incredible people falter during:

• Leadership transitions

• Personal loss

• Burnout

• Moments where confidence quietly eroded

And I’ve watched those same people rise again when someone chose to stay.

When leaders jump too quickly to “out,” they miss what’s actually happening.

Most of the time, it isn’t inability.

It’s misalignment.

It’s overwhelm.

It’s a nervous system under pressure.

What We Lose When We Default to “Out”

Here’s the part that doesn’t get talked about enough.

When teams see people removed the moment they struggle, they learn one thing fast:

Don’t let anyone see you wobble.

So they stop asking for help.

They hide mistakes.

They perform instead of grow.

And suddenly, the team looks “strong” on the surface—

but underneath, it’s brittle.

Compliance replaces curiosity.

Silence replaces honesty.

That’s not excellence.

That’s fear wearing a productivity mask.

Weakness Isn’t Failure. It’s Information.

Every leader I respect has flaws.

Every high performer I know has edges.

Yet we’ve somehow decided that weakness disqualifies someone from belonging.

But what if weaknesses are simply signals?

Not warnings to exit—but invitations to coach.

Some people don’t need to be removed.

They need:

• Clearer expectations

• Better role alignment

• Psychological safety

• Time to rebuild confidence

And yes—sometimes they need accountability.

But accountability doesn’t have to mean abandonment.

The Leadership Model I Believe In

I believe in nurturing strength and coaching through flaws.

Not because it’s easier.

Because it’s harder.

It requires patience.

Presence.

And the willingness to sit in discomfort instead of taking the fastest exit.

It means saying:

• This is where you’re strong—let’s lead from there.

• This gap matters, and I’m not ignoring it.

• If I believe you can grow, I’m willing to walk with you while you do.

This isn’t lowering the bar.

It’s teaching people how to reach it.

Especially in Healthcare

In hospice.

In nursing.

In caregiving leadership.

People are carrying grief—sometimes silently.

Emotional labor is constant.

Burnout doesn’t announce itself politely.

A system that discards people for struggling doesn’t create better care.

It creates exhaustion.

Turnover.

And a quiet loss of compassion.

We don’t need leaders who are faster at cutting people loose.

We need leaders who know how to hold people steady while they find their footing again.

The Truth We Avoid

“Coach up or coach out” often isn’t about performance.

It’s about leadership discomfort.

It’s easier to remove someone than to invest in:

• Hard conversations

• Imperfect progress

• Human growth

But leadership was never meant to be easy.

It was meant to be responsible.

My Edge

I don’t believe people are disposable.

I believe in strength.

In growth.

In coaching that sees the whole person.

And I believe that when we stop leading from fear—and start leading from steadiness—we don’t just build better teams.

We build better humans.

That’s the edge I stand on.