When Life Hands You Chaos, Don’t Build a Farm—Face Your Feelings

Have you ever felt a certain way, knowing you're being unreasonable, yet still unable to shake that feeling? It doesn’t make sense; it’s confusing, and most of all, uncomfortable. Recognizing that discomfort, and acknowledging that you might be acting irrationally, is the essence of emotional intelligence knocking at your door.

It's perfectly okay to experience all kinds of emotions. If something feels unfair, allow yourself to feel that frustration. If you feel anger or hurt, it’s okay to let those feelings rise. But here's the key: what you do with those feelings is what defines your ability to lead. Are you responding thoughtfully, or are you simply reacting in the moment?

I recently shared how I dove into the wild idea of transforming my home into a fully functional farm. But this crazy phase didn’t stop there. Along with my farm dream, I thought, "Why not become an influencer?" I mean, I saw so many people on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, creating homesteads and turning them into thriving social media empires. Surely I could do the same, right? So, I bought a selfie stick, a tripod, lights, and jumped into the world of content creation—without a clue what I was doing. My kids were all in too, eager to film every second.

Now, you might be wondering, "What does this have to do with emotional intelligence?" Well, quite a lot, actually!

Much like the growth I’ve experienced in my 30s, I acknowledged that I had work to do, and it hasn’t been easy. Over the past five years, I’ve committed myself to developing my emotional intelligence, understanding that it’s a skill that can be cultivated rather than something I was simply born with. Just like navigating the twists and turns of adulthood, this journey has required continuous effort, but the progress has been rewarding. The key components of emotional intelligence—self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills—have become central to my personal growth, guiding me to understand myself better and handle the challenges life throws my way with more resilience and insight. While it’s been a work in progress, I can honestly say I’m in a better place today than I was when I started.

I’m an avoider by nature. I’ve always been one, and to some extent, I probably always will be. When things get uncomfortable, my instinct is to run, which is exactly what I did when I threw myself into the farm and content creation projects. Fortunately for me, none of it panned out. I quickly realized I knew nothing about content creation, and I have no real interest in farming. But running with that wild idea was exactly what I needed to bring myself back to reality.

It was a huge lesson for me—one of the most uncomfortable and frustrating moments of my adult life. I was unsure, angry, confused, and overwhelmed by so many things that had been building up. There was a feeling of anger—anger that things weren't going the way I thought they should, that I wasn’t where I wanted to be in life. There was frustration—frustration at the perceived lack of control I had over my circumstances, and a deep sense of uncertainty that clouded my every thought. I was flooded with emotions, yet instead of taking a step back to sit with those feelings and allow myself to process them, my first instinct was to run from them. I tried to mask the discomfort by making radical changes, thinking that an entire overhaul of my life—whether it was creating a farm or diving into social media—would somehow drown out the noise of those feelings.

But in reality, I was only compounding my discomfort. The more I tried to escape and "fix" everything, the more those emotions multiplied and lingered. The feelings of anger and frustration that I was carrying only became louder, and instead of finding clarity, I became more lost in the chaos of my own actions. The changes didn’t make me feel better. They simply distracted me, filling the space with new anxieties and self-doubt, rather than offering the clarity I so desperately needed.

Looking back, it’s clear that this was a pivotal and transformative moment for me. While it was an incredibly hard time, filled with discomfort and disappointment, it ultimately forced me to face the things I was avoiding. It pushed me to confront those uncomfortable emotions head-on, to acknowledge that I couldn’t outrun them, and to start the work of understanding and processing what they were telling me. In that sense, as horrible as it felt in the moment, that experience marked the beginning of real personal growth. I’ve come to realize that discomfort, while challenging, is often the catalyst for the most important transformations—if you allow yourself to sit with it, feel it, and learn from it rather than running away..

It’s okay to feel, but we must be careful not to let our reactions dictate our actions. Emotional intelligence is about facing discomfort, understanding it, and choosing a thoughtful response, rather than letting the feelings take the lead.